Chapter 76

They did share a bed that night.  Jon was too stubborn to go back on his own mandate that they end the day in the same place, but there was none of the usual closeness between them.  No touching, no cuddling and neither of them slept particularly well.

The next morning, Jon left for Washington, D.C., with little more than a grunt and kiss to her temple as he gave her a one-armed hug.  Rachel was left feeling edgy, annoyed and resentful. 

More than that, she was hurting. 

Rachel’s solution to emotional pain had been to throw herself into her job, but with every media source in the country covering the activities in the Capitol, there was always a constant reminder that brought a fresh new stab.  And Jon wasn’t helping matters.  There was a brief phone call from her man, but it was terse and missing the usual ease they had with each other.  More pain, in a different form – painfully awkward.

His performance during the televised event left Rachel with a mix of emotions.  In spite of feeling a bit unsure of her place in his life, she was moved with extreme pride at all that he had accomplished.  As soon as the last note was sung, she couldn’t help but send him an impromptu text message.  “You were amazing!  XOXO”

He didn’t respond. 

The entire day. 

Or the next. 

Her next glimpse of him was a quick news snippet.  Only it wasn’t just him.  The press reported the four of them as “Rock star Jon Bon Jovi, wife Dorothea and two of their four children”. 

Immediately thereafter, the phone did finally ring off the hook, but it still wasn’t Jon.  Unfortunately it was her mother and sister demanding to know what the hell was going on.  The last they heard, it was Rachel who was supposed to be attending those events with Jon.

They said little after Rachel’s explanation of the change in plans, but their silence on the subject was deafening.  She felt more insecure and unsure than ever.  It had her wondering if Jon would ever allow ANY woman to take center stage in his life as Dorothea was used to doing.

During the days of his continued absence, Rachel’s mind developed a more twisted, skewed vision of their relationship and it made her uncharacteristically nervous to the point that she almost dreaded him coming home.  When he finally did call, she had herself in such a mental mess that she sent him to voicemail and went for a run – her second of that day. 

                                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jon was anxious to get home to Rachel.   He missed her.  The events in D.C. hadn’t left him with much free time and he’d only spoken with her once.  When he’d tried to call her after he dropped off Dot and the kids, all he’d gotten was her voicemail.  So he waited impatiently, choosing to reflect on the positive aspects of his past few days rather than count the dwindling miles between them.

It had been thrilling to be able to expose Stephanie and Jesse to such a vital  part of history, and he was glad he’d taken the opportunity to do so.  While he and Dorothea had been perfectly comfortable with each other, it didn’t escape Jon’s attention that the familiarity they’d once had was gone.  They weren’t quite strangers, but the relationship was no longer one of a loving husband and wife raising a family together.  They were divorced parents getting along for the sake of their children.

Those were the hard, cold facts, but he was determined that his biggest failure wouldn’t have any more of a negative impact on his children than was absolutely necessary.   Jon knew that spending the past few days in America’s time capsule was a good memory that his children would always have.  And so would he. 

But it struck him a bit odd that the woman he’d spent so much of his life with was no longer where he found comfort, peace or serenity.  Those things were to be found just beyond the door he was now slipping his key into. 

As he made his way to the top of the stairs, he could hear water running and then the sound of the shower door opening and closing.  She was turned to the side, hanging up her bath towel when he stepped around the corner and saw her.   She hadn’t heard him and he couldn’t seem to draw attention to himself.  All he could do was stand there and stare.

Those curves of hers were the sweetest thing he’d seen in a long time and he felt the familiar jump in his crotch.  Whether it was desire, lust or love, he’d missed her and was happy to be home with her. 

When she noticed his presence, she jumped.  “Oh!  Hi.  I didn’t know you were coming home tonight.” 

His delight at being home and in her presence was short lived.   The second she saw him, Rachel had gone instantly tense and uncomfortable.  She reached for her robe and quickly wrapped it around her as though he were a guest instead of her lover.

So much for the happy homecoming.

“You would’ve known if you had answered your phone when I called,” he noted blandly, now suspecting that she’d purposefully avoided him.

“I… I guess it must be downstairs – I went for another run and I guess…” Rachel’s heavy sigh only confirmed Jon’s suspicion.  She had intentionally not taken his call, and she briefly tried to justify it before conceding,  “You’re right.  I should’ve answered.  I’m sorry.”

Eyes fell to the floor in what he assumed was shame. 

This wasn’t the evening he’d planned, and before it went any further south, he intended to put things back on track.  The only surefire way to do that was to put his hands on her. 

He dropped his bag on the bed and walked into the bathroom, sliding his hands into the opening of her robe and exploring the roundness of her backside. 

 “Why didn’t you answer?”

“I... I guess I didn’t want to have an awkward conversation.”  Rachel stepped back out of his grasp and then around him, crossing to the chest of drawers and rummaging around.  She stepped into panties and pulled them up before changing the subject.  “How was your trip?  From the press coverage, it looked like you had a great time.  Did the kids enjoy it?”

He hated it when she did that.  Changing the topic was a skill this woman had mastered and it made him nuts every time she pulled that little stunt. 

“The trip was fine, but I’m more interested in you and me right now.  Why were you afraid we’d have an ‘awkward’ conversation?”

Jon thought he could actually hear the snap of her spine when she straightened and spun on him like a woman possessed.  Fire may have been spitting out of her eyes but her tone was pure ice.  It was enough to make him take a step back.

“Seriously?  You were on a fucking family vacation with your kids and your ex-wife, sharing a hotel room, being photographed all over the place with captions like ‘Jon Bon Jovi and wife Dorothea with their children’, while I was at home trying to explain to my family why the man I’ve just brought home is now at probably THE most public event in the WORLD with his ex.   And if that weren’t enough… before the landing gear was even up on the plane returning us from our perfect vacation, you had accused me of trying to slip in a surprise love-child on you.   How could we have anything BUT an awkward conversation?”

For God’s sake.  It was like he’d never left.  Dammit to hell, they were picking right back up where they’d left off.

“So your idea is NO conversation is better than an awkward one?  That’s great, Rachel….”  He ran his hands through the front of his hair and rubbed his scalp in the hopes of stalling the runaway headache that was forming.  “It’s just fucking FABULOUS to come home to this shit!”

“News flash, Jon!   The problems that you leave at home are there when you return home.  I’d love to have thrown my arms around you and torn your clothes off, but since YOU have insisted there’s no sex until such a time as YOU determine it’s okay, I’m not exactly sure where I stand, so you’ll have to forgive me.”   Rachel slammed the dresser drawer and gathered a breath before she continued on with her rant.   “What did you expect from me?  That I’d forgotten the horrible things you said and blow you the minute you walked in the door?  You didn’t bother to call home for DAYS and you wonder why I didn’t answer when you called today?”

This wasn’t what Jon had expected at all, but he wasn’t going to grovel or just stand there and take the poison darts she was pitching at him.   He had felt a little guilty about changing plans and taking Dot and the kids with him, but his pride wasn’t about to back down about that or anything else. 

“Listen, Rachel, I’ll be on the road a lot.  I can’t call home every 15 minutes.  If you can’t cope with me being gone for a few days without throwing a fit when I walk in the door, then that’s your problem.”

“You didn’t hear A WORD I SAID!  Geez!  You’re such a jerk!”  Her shoulders were stiff and square as she turned the leave the room, but his damned Italian pride couldn’t let her go feeling like she’d gotten the last word. 

“Yeah, well, bigger and better have called me worse, baby.  And you’re no prize yourself right now.”

When he found her curled up on the sofa, it was probably half an hour later, after she’d stormed out of the bedroom and he’d taken a shower.  The TV was on some real estate show and a bottle of tequila was on the end table next to her.   It wasn’t a full bottle, because, in her hand was a glass partially filled with a healthy dose of her favorite liquor. 

The scene reminded Jon of the first time he’d walked into this house to find her cozied up to a bottle of tequila, broken and battered.   That, in turn, made him feel a little like shit.  Enough to temporarily knock the chip off of his shoulder, anyway.

Wedging himself in between the arm of the sofa and her semi-reclined body, Jon took the glass from her and swallowed the entire thing.  Snagging the bottle from the table, he replenished what he had drunk and handed the glass back to her, kissing the top of her head as he did.

She had noticeably stiffened when he sat down beside her, and the next words out of her mouth confirmed that she still wasn’t ready to kiss and make up.  Or to even talk about it.

“I’m leaving for Charleston tomorrow morning.  I need to check on the new Regional Manager there.”  Jon recalled that was where Rachel had been just before the fundraiser for Barack Obama, and knew she had been handling that territory in addition to her own until a replacement could be found for the position.  “I’ll be gone for a few days.”

Biting back a sigh of frustration, he couldn’t help but ask, “Was this a planned trip or did you make the decision to leave when I got home?”

Rachel sipped her tequila, he assumed to stall for time and to craft a response.   “Actually, Jon, the truth is… it was a decision I made when you got home.”

And that was that.  What the hell was he supposed to do with a woman who refused to work through their problems?  Whatever it was, he didn’t have the energy to give her anything else tonight.   Not a fight, not a reconciliation.  It was just as well, because he had the feeling that, even if he tried, they were too far gone to accomplish anything worthwhile.  

He was too tired and too spent to even try to make amends tonight, but the guy that always claimed to find the positive in anything threw out the only thing he could think of.  “Good to know we’ve not resorted to lying to each other.”

“Yeah, well…I guess we’ve still got honesty between us.”

As they had the last night they were together, they slept in the same bed, but never touched.