Chapter Twenty Six

The radio in the Tahoe blared noisily to life as soon as Rachel fired up the engine. Flicking it off she hit the accelerator and drove out the gate taking the river road into town. Their conversation replayed over and over in her head as she passed over the bridge and entered the leafy suburbs. Jon had a point and she even agreed with it. Flipping the situation she considered how she would feel if Jon was still wearing his wedding ring. Truth be told she’d be pretty unnerved by it - maybe the time had come to leave the past where it belonged without her even realising it.

Pulling to a stop at a red light she stared out the window at the passer-by’s. Kids chattered excitedly to one another as they came out of a store and couples strolled leisurely past oblivious to the turmoil in her mind. No matter what life went on, there was nothing that could be done to avoid it – that much was becoming clearer to her by the day. Drifting back into memories she recalled that sunny day on the beach when she had exchanged vows with Nick, placing the rings on one another’s fingers.

'Til death do us part….’ Death had parted them and ultimately the contract they had signed that day was now null and void – on paper.

When the traffic signal turned green she continued down the high street, forcing herself to concentrate on the road until she pulled into a space in front of the jewellery store. Switching off the ignition she stared at the ornate sign above the door;

Roberts Family Jewellers

Where Memories Are Cherished

It hit her like a concrete block – memories – they were all she had now of her family and her past life but that was all they were – memories. She was grateful for them, even if she’d somehow been able to see into the future all those years ago and known that Nick and their kids would only be in her life for the briefest of time she’d still have done it exactly the same. Her life with them had been a gift of the most precious kind but it was time. Maybe things wouldn’t work out with Jon, she had no way of knowing that either but she owed it to herself to at least try.

The jewellery store was quiet when she entered, a lone man at the bottom of the room standing to greet her as she approached the counter. After producing some identification she agreed to wait while the jeweller went to the back room to retrieve her necklace. Wandering around the small store she gazed at the rows of sparkling bracelets and watches securely contained behind flawlessly polished glass windows. At the back of one of the cabinets a pendent caught her eye, a brilliant diamond twinkling against a black velvet case. Moving closer to the glass she narrowed her eyes to take a better look, her eyes widening in wonder at the simple design. Set in white gold, the small stone nestled at the base of a sweeping x with the uppermost tips closely resembling two fingers intertwined – for all the world a pinkie swear.  

“Excuse me Ma’am?”

The polite voice of the jeweller snapped Rachel back to reality and tearing her gaze away from the pendent she quickly thanked the man and paid for her repaired necklace, pocketing the small brown envelope it was contained in. On her way out, the pendant once again caught her attention – she was being silly but it drew her back, stopping her in her tracks. The simplicity of the design was breath taking but it was the symbolism it held that made up her mind. Retracing her steps back to the man who had served her, she pulled out her credit card and bought it before she could change her mind. It was time.

Just over an hour later and after a quick run to completely gather her thoughts, Rachel twisted her still shower wet hair into a knot and secured it with a clasp. Pulling on some denim shorts and a white lace t-shirt she sat in front of the mirror and stared at her reflection whilst smoothing on some moisturiser.

Her face still slightly flushed from the run and subsequent shower stared back, the smooth and evenly toned skin belying her years. The small brown envelope containing her repaired chain sat on the dressing table before her, the open black pendent box beside it. With a deep breath she carefully tipped the chain out and threaded it through the eye of the pendent. When the diamond stone caught the rays of sunlight streaming into the bedroom against the palm of her hand, it sparkled with such brilliance that she sucked in a sharp breath. It really was so beautiful. 

Finally she fastened the delicate chain around her neck, the unfamiliar feel of the cool pendent against her bare skin making a shiver run down her spine as she tucked it out of sight beneath the low neckline of her shirt. With the now empty pendent box in one hand she pulled open the small drawer to her right, her fingers scrabbling under the assortment of underwear until they clasped the two metal bands she was looking for. The rings, chinking against one another as she scooped them up fell easily into the crushed velvet bed that lined the small box. She stared at them lying beside one another for a long moment before sighing and shutting the box with a gentle snap. She knew where they were if she needed them although a part of her was desperately hoping this was a final goodbye, she wasn't sure if her heart could go through this kind of torment again. Rising from the low cushioned stool she tucked the box safely out of sight at the back of the drawer and pushed it closed. With that one final act it was if a weight had lifted off her shoulders, the day suddenly seemed brighter and the warm sunshine beckoned her outside - it really was time to move forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Jon?”

Standing in the empty kitchen of Jon’s house Rachel called out loudly, there was no way she was risking Alice catching her snooping about again. Much to her relief, she heard him holler back at her, his voice carrying through from down the hallway.

“In the living room.”

Wandering down the long passageway she turned into the large corner room where she found Jon slouched on a sofa in front of one of the biggest television screens she’d ever seen.

“Hey………” Jon hit the pause button and turned to greet her, an easy smile lighting up his face. His eyes travelled over her body as she approached, long toned legs disappearing underneath the shorts and shirt she was wearing to conceal what he knew to be an equally toned abdomen. When she leaned in for a kiss, her shower fresh scent wafted by his nose and he drew in an appreciative breath.

“Mmmn…….you smell good baby.”

When she settled beside him on the sofa the sight of the delicate chain ensconced around her neck made him tense with frustration but not wishing for another fight he pushed any resentful thoughts to the back of his mind. The last thing he wanted to do was go back there and it was crazy to be jealous of a dead man……right?

“What’s the movie?”

Curling her legs underneath her, Rachel motioned to the stilled black and white image on the screen.

“We filmed for a documentary throughout the last tour and this is the rough footage that I’ve gotta go through.” Jon shrugged and tossed the remote control onto the cushion beside him. “But I can look at it later – everything go okay in town?”

Nodding Rachel smiled back at him, “Oh yeah, no problems.” Swiftly changing the subject she focused her attention on the television screen. “So this is behind the scenes footage?” Genuinely interested she pressed him for details. “Mind if I watch it with you?”

Chuckling Jon shook his head, “Not at all but be prepared to be bored senseless – there’s hours of it to be sorted through.”

When he reached to pick up the remote content to have her just sit with him, Rachel laid a soft hand on his arm. “Actually…..can we talk for a minute first?”

Oh boy…….here we go…….. Bracing himself for another argument Jon rolled his eyes good naturedly and grinned at her despite his inward reservations about where this was headed.

“Sure baby – I see no need to change up our routine now.”

Chuckling when she swatted him for the sarcasm that dripped from his voice, he leant his head against the back of the sofa and waited patiently for her to speak, his fingers finding their way among hers.

Rachel took a deep breath before looking him straight in the eyes and softly beginning to speak.

“I thought a lot about what you said earlier………and you made some valid points. But there’s something I need you to remember…….”

Raising his brows, Jon looked at her with a degree of cynical expectancy. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like this conversation very much……..

“We both have the ‘Ghost of Christmas Past’ looming about. This house?” Looking away from him momentarily Rachel threw her eyes up to the ornately plastered ceiling of the living room. “This was yours and your ex-wife’s as is your bed………I daren’t even think about the number of women who have shared it with you.”

When Jon stiffened in defence she hurried to finish before he could interrupt. “I guess what I’m trying to say Jon is……..I’m not the only one here with a past.”

Suppressing the flash of immediate indignation that seared through his brain at her apparent conclusions, Jon thought for a moment to process what she was actually saying. She wasn’t accusing him of anything, merely stating the facts as she saw them and for that he couldn’t blame her.

“I see where you’re going with this but let me tell you Rachel…….this whole ‘relationship’ thing is every bit as new to me as it is to you….”

Rachel cut across him with a questioning frown. “But you said you had a woman you ‘regularly hooked up with’ in L.A and then some other socialite….”

Hushing her with a solitary finger, Jon wagged it solemnly at her. “Hooking up does not constitute a relationship Rachel. Sharing my bed does not mean waking up in my bed……unless I want you there in the morning. I can easily count on one hand the number of women I’ve wanted to wake up with and in recent times, there’s been no one besides you.”

Smirking he cocked his head at her with a wink. “If you think I’d put in a week like I’ve just put in with you for a girl I’m just ‘hooking up with’, you’re outta your mind!”

Relaxing Rachel laughed back at him, relief falling from her in waves. Picking up his hand she traced the outline of his fingers with her own. “Well alright then…….so I guess my next question is……why me Jon?”

Entranced by the sight of her small fingers Jon shrugged. “Truthfully? I dunno yet. There’s just something about you that I’ve yet to put my finger on.” Smirking he lifted his other hand to gently release her damp hair from its clip, the darkened waves falling to her shoulders. “Obviously you’re beautiful…….and you do have this great habit of making me horny as hell….”

When Rachel blushed he cupped her chin with his hand, his eyes searching for her acceptance.

“But you’re a smart lady too…….strong……..confident………..funny……..” Resisting the urge to laugh Jon fought to remain serious. “And you have a seriously high tolerance for tequila – my kind of woman!”

“So you’re calling me an alcoholic?” Rachel joked back, her wit coming to the rescue from the uncomfortable focus she’d placed on herself.

“Not at all, just stating the facts.” Jon grinned before fixing her with a pointed look. “So let’s turn the tables here……why me?”

“Duh! Haven’t you guessed? The hair of course!”

Chuckling Jon nodded knowingly; “Ah…..of course.”

Rachel giggled, her laughter tinkling through the easy air between them. Smiling she rested her head against the palm of his hand that was gently massaging the roots of her hair.

“I mean, obviously I was attracted to you…..” She dropped her eyes for a brief second feeling the heat of embarrassment flood her cheeks. “But I think mostly it was that I enjoyed your company…..I liked being around you………” Pausing for a long second she took a deep breath before letting herself fall back into the pool of his eyes. “Jon……you were the first man that even tempted me on any level since…..well you know since when! And you wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

Shrugging she swiped the hand that wasn’t laced with his across her eyes, brushing away the tendrils of hair that were fleeing from Jon’s soothing fingers. “You pushed me outside of my comfort zone – way outside which maybe was what I needed.

Shifting her weight on to the sofa to nestle closer to him, she gazed past him out the tall windows that were spaced evenly around the perimeter of the room. Wispy clouds high up in the azure sky scudded past in a warm southerly breeze that ruffled the drapes of one of the open windows.

“Nick and I always had a ‘life plan’ that kept our family in sync……….and things pretty much went according to that plan but when they were taken from me all of a sudden I had no plan. The past became Camelot and the present was something I survived…..breathe in, breathe out and then do it again, day after day. The future was suddenly this big black hole of……..nothing. Everything we’d ever planned on was gone – everything."

Jon watched silently as she mused out loud, almost afraid to breathe in case he broke the spell. Slowly and rhythmically he kept up the gentle massage through her hair, easing whatever tensions she was spilling into her words.

“When you remove your children from the future – there are no grandchildren. When your life partner is gone, there is no growing old together……so the future terrified me. Life isn’t a fairy tale as much as we all grow up dreaming it to be – nobody gets out without losing something or somebody they love……” 

Her voice held just a touch of bitterness as she sighed heavily; “It’s all just a series of shattered dreams and broken promises and I’ve come to realise it’s like that for a lot more people out there than we’d like to think.”

Finally she turned her head back to face him, her voice soft and even. “But now you’ve barged into my present and if I’ve learned anything it’s that all we have is now. The past is gone and the future is not a certainty but all I know is that when I’m with you, I’m alive again. I’m feeling something…even when you hurt me……….I was feeling!”

Jon’s pulse flitted through his temples, a hard lump beginning to form in his throat at the depth of her emotions. She was finally laying herself bare and letting him in.

“I thought I had no home…..and by that I don’t mean a house……home is that safe place where you land when the world is kicking your butt……..it’s a feeling. I feel like I belong in life again and if I gain nothing more from this move and getting to know you then that’s more than enough to be grateful for.”

As she lay curled against him and at the mention of home, Jon’s brain flickered to life with a crystal clear realisation. He’d said he didn’t know what it was that had attracted him to her in the first place yet it had been staring him in the face all this time. Sitting up he grasped her hand a little tighter.

“That’s it………right there! You asked me what it was about you…..well I know all too well what you mean about not having a ‘home’. All I could think about while I was stuck in California was that you were here and it wouldn’t matter where you were……..that’s where I think I would want to be.”

Shaking his head in wonder he smiled at her, “When I got off that plane yesterday I didn’t even come here first – I sent the driver on with my bags and I went straight to you…..’Home’ for me was where you were. And even today…..I was sitting here pissed off at the world in general and then you walked in…” Pausing he rolled his eyes. “….even with your husband’s wedding ring around your neck there was still a calmness that came with you. You made this monstrosity of a house feel like home…..something I haven’t felt here in years….” 

Helplessly he looked at her for signs that his incessant ramblings were sinking in. “Does that make any sense?”

Rachel nodded, a small smile stretching her lips as she dipped her head to pull her chain free from underneath her shirt.

“It does make sense….so much sense in fact….” Dangling her new pendent between her fingers, she watched as Jon’s eyes widened in confusion. “I really thought about what you said about my wedding rings being a symbol of my commitment to another man and that it was literally between us and eventually I came to the conclusion that you were right.”

As Jon silently watched the diamond sparkle from her fingers, she took a deep breath. “But I’ve also reached the point where I finally know that my life with Nick and our family is over. Removing the rings doesn’t make it any more or less true…….and it doesn’t mean that I love them any less.”

Shaking his head softly Jon edged closer to her, “Rachel baby, I don’t want to erase Nick……..nobody could ever erase Dorothea or our kids no matter what the circumstances were so that’s not my desire. I just don’t want to feel like he’s between you and me every time I get close to you.”

“I know……I’d come to the conclusion before I even got to the jewellers this morning that the time had come to take the step to truly move on with my life…..whatever that is, wherever that is and whoever it’s with.” Rachel shrugged with honesty, “Or without anybody if the case may be. I’m not hanging my future on you or us – that wouldn’t be fair to either of us but whatever becomes of us?”

Smiling she reached up to graze her thumb along his jaw, “Well you will always be very special to me if only because you pulled me out of that big black empty hole that was the future.”

When her eyes began to blur with the threat of impending tears, she drew in a sharp breath and blinked the moisture away. This was not a time for tears, in fact she hadn’t felt this happy since she couldn’t remember.

“I saw this charm and it reminded me of our pinkie swear!” Giggling she rolled her eyes and shrugged when Jon began to grin at her. “I know, I know it’s silly but it just felt right…….”

Hooking a finger around the chain Jon gently tugged her closer so he could brush her lips with a gentle kiss. “It’s not silly at all – I love it. I just kinda wish I’d bought it for you…..when I see you wearing it I’ll remember that moment……when all we had was a gut instinct and a pinkie swear.”

Rachel tipped her head back exposing her neck that Jon was gently but insistently kissing his way down. The roughness of his chin sent tremors of electricity shooting down her nerve endings and wriggling closer she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“Well if it bothers you that much I’m sure if you look hard enough you could find the matching set…..” Teasing him she straddled his lap and fingered the collar of his shirt. “But you know what this means right?”

Lifting his head from her neck, Jon met her sultry gaze with a questioning look. “What?”

“The only thing between our two bodies now…..” She ground her hips gently against his lap, a devilish smirk playing across her lips. “……would be these clothes….”

With a soft growl Jon returned the smirk and slid his hands underneath her shirt to slide it up over the arms that she held upstretched for him. Tossing it aside he feasted his eyes on the soft plunge of her breasts fettered by a lacy white bra before he deftly flicked open the front clasp and set them free to bounce into his waiting hands.

“No longer an issue baby……..”