Chapter Twenty Four

Jon’s fingers tightened around the corkscrew when his whole body tensed at her biting remark. With a dipped head and frustrated sigh he pulled the cork out, the audible ‘pop’ sounding like a shotgun being fired in the quiet kitchen. He’d thought they were past this – evidently not.

“I don’t know how many times or ways I can apologise for those words Rachel.”

His voice was quiet and heavy with resignation as he poured a generous measure of wine into each glass. Joining him at the table Rachel slid the steaming dish of chicken onto a serving plate and picked up the glass he silently proffered. After taking a long deliberate swallow she let the fruity spice of the wine linger in her mouth before it slid down her throat. Turning to face him she sighed and shook her head.

“I’m sorry Jon but I’ve got to ask…….a few days ago you seemed to lump me in with hordes of married women that you’ve screwed……at least that’s what it sounded like……” The pale wine sloshed around the glass from the tremor in her hand, “So I guess what’s really bugging me is that I’m wondering is that something you do with regularity……..sleep with women you know are married?”

The innocence and fragility that poured from her voice made Jon’s stomach churn. He had only himself to blame for this and he at least owed her a truthful answer even if it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Pulling the sunglasses off the bridge of his nose he folded them up and let them drop noisily on the table.

“I’m no angel Rachel, never claimed to be one so yeah, there have been some women whom I knew were married.”

She nodded slowly accepting his quiet but frank answer with another question.

“Did you have other women when you were married?”

The cool depths of his blue eyes never faltered from the lock they shared with hers but the tension was etched across his forehead.

“I did……relatively discreetly and at some times more than at other times.”

“Was that the cause of your divorce………….your other women?”

His face conveyed no emotion, his reply curt and to the point. 

“I’d imagine it was a contributing factor.”

“So this is normal for you?” Rachel motioned with her free hand to the air around them, the other still nervously clutching the wine glass.

Jon looked at her under arched eyebrows, a fleeting puzzled look filtering through his eyes.

“This?”

“Yes Jon – this! I mean is it normal for you to find a woman such as ‘me’ irresistible only for you then to decide later she’s common and not worth hanging onto?”

Closing his eyes, Jon blew out a long tired sigh, his face crumpling with a mixture of frustration and disappointment as he raked a hand through his hair.

“Rachel I didn’t come home for this…….”

Another swallow of wine steadied Rachel’s confidence, she had no idea why she was looking for a fight but she wanted answers before this………thing……..went any further. She’d be damned if she ended being just another notch on some rock star’s belt.

“So why DID you come home Jon? Is it that you were feeling guilty and needed to clear your conscience or were you just horny and thought… ‘Hey I know where I can find an easy piece of ass!’….?”

Her words slammed into him like a freight train and a wave of indignant rage swelled from his gut to where his eyes sparked icily.

“Listen Rachel, I didn’t have to fly across the damn country to get laid. I could walk into pretty much any fucking room and find plenty of women throwing themselves at me.” Fuming he spat his words out with his fists curled tightly at his sides. “That’s not arrogance; it’s just a well-known fact – me getting laid? NOT a problem – EVER!”

His jaw was rigid with defiance and his back ram rod straight as he continued on his rant. She wanted answers? – Well she was gonna get them.

“You want to know the truth? The truth is I had a girl I regularly hook up with all over me the other night and I shut her down because all I could see in my head was YOU!”

Images of Jon with another woman after the night they’d spent together flooded Rachel’s stunned mind and left a wave of nausea sweeping through her stomach. Her face paled and with a shake of her head she walked away from him to stand at the kitchen sink, her trembling fingers white tipped with exertion when she grasped the ceramic edge for support.

“The only thing worse than the vile things you SAY…….are the vile things you DO…….” Staring resolutely out the window she spoke with a quiet but steely determination.

“You had better leave Jon. I think we’re done here.”

Jon was silent for a moment, his shoulders shaking with rage and his face contorted with fury. For a moment he thought about stalking out the door and slamming it behind him, he’d left one broken marriage behind him already and he wasn’t about to get into something else that was ultimately going to go the same way but……….

Taking a deep breath he moved around the island to come up behind her, his hands automatically reaching for her slender hips to turn her to face him. Glistening eyes shone out at him from the pale moon of her face and he chose his words carefully.

“Rachel…….I lost my temper with you the other day partly because I misunderstood the rings which in hindsight was incredibly dumb of me……….but mostly because you told me you’d never thought of cheating on your husband in twenty years of marriage and you asked me if I could say the same……..and that hit a nerve. I can’t say the same – you know that now but that still doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m not proud of it.”

Another heavy sigh rolled off his shoulders and he grasped her a little tighter willing the frustration in his head to subside.

“Rachel I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am…….I was a cruel sonofabitch and I know that – it’s been playing on my mind nearly non-stop ever since I stupidly said it but honey……you gotta let me off the cross sometime!”

Rachel saw a quiet desperation swim into his eyes, the earlier anger subsiding and melting away into pools of sincerity.

“Your ‘regular hook up’………..did you sleep with her?”

Jon’s shoulders relaxed a little, his fingers loosening from their tight grip on her hips.

“No……things didn’t go that far…….I mean we had drinks and messed around a little but ultimately I sent her home.”

Although Rachel said nothing, Jon could see the coils of turmoil running through her mind as she wrestled with her feelings. He lifted his hands from her hips and gently cradled the sides of her head, his fingers sliding through the loose golden hair that flowed in gentle waves behind her ears.

“Look Rachel, I can be a real prick…..I know that – Jesus YOU know that……….but I’m not cruel by nature and I’m not a liar. I won’t ever lie to you and I came home because I wanted to see you and because I wanted to be with you…….”

His breath was hot on her cheeks but that was nothing compared to the heat that seared from his eyes into her soul. She wanted with every ounce of her being to believe him, her heart wanted to believe him but her head…..

“Jon…….given your obvious habits with multiple women……” A tremor shook her voice as she slowly reached up to remove his hands from where he still cradled her. “That’s just not something I’m willing to deal with…..I can’t……..”

Letting his hands drop he rubbed his forehead tiredly and shrugged. “Yeah, well as it turns out it’s not that great for me either. Look I’m not gonna get into the details but suffice it to say you were the only thing that stopped me when I was with her………….I know that doesn’t count for much right now but it’s the truth.”

Taking a step back he dipped his head and thought for a moment. They’d come this far and he’d told her more things than he’d barely ever told anyone. What had he got to lose any more?

“Rachel I don’t know where this thing between us will ultimately go…..can I give you ‘the band of gold’ even if you wanted it? No…..not today but if you’re asking me to commit to a monogamous relationship with you………I can do that.” 

Looking back up at where she stood silently watching him he raised his arms helplessly. “If you can let go of all this and let us explore something I can promise you there won’t be anybody else…….no dates…….no dinners….drinks…..nothing.”

Rachel sucked in a breath and wrapped her arms around herself, she was suddenly cold despite the simmering late afternoon heat outside. She wanted more than anything to give in, up until today Nick was the only man who had ever been prepared to fight for her but there was still a final nagging question that remained unanswered.

“I just want to know one more thing Jon and I know I have really no right to ask this but………that morning we were supposed to go for a run and you were hung over….you said it was because an old friend had shown up the night before…” Biting her lip nervously she went for the kill. “…Was it a woman?”

“Yes.” Jon nodded without hesitation, “She’s a socialite who has never accomplished anything other than to show up at every party and social gang bang the Hamptons has to offer.” Clearing his throat he moved closer to reassure her. “I always ‘protected’ myself with these women and if your next question is why I didn’t with you it’s because it’s a hell of a long time since I got so caught up in the moment that I truly didn’t care……I had a clean bill of health from the doc two months back and you’re the only one I’ve been careless with in ‘that’ way since more time than I can remember.”

The uncomfortable reality of his words, although Rachel seemed unaffected made his stomach turn but these were things he needed to say. Shaking his head he let his shoulders slump in despair.

“This isn’t good for you or me……….I know we have some sort of connection here – that much is obvious but I don’t have an explanation for it right now…….it’s all too new…..”

He searched her face for any sign of agreement but she merely waited silently for him to continue.

“I want to see what this is with us but I’m not prepared for us to keep hurting and fighting with one another. Can you let go of all this and move on…….with me?”

A whirlwind of thoughts crashed through her brain, she was acutely aware that he had bared his soul to her and she suspected Jon Bon Jovi was not the kind of man likely to leave himself in such a vulnerable state with anyone, much less a woman. Let go Rachel, for once in your life just let go!

A single tear trickled softly down each of her cheeks, not from sadness but more from relief. Slowly she nodded, a small smile curving upward from her trembling lips.

“I can……if you want to that is……..”

A euphoric release of pressure flooded Jon’s senses and he swooped forward to pull her close, his nose gently nuzzling the soft waves of hair that nestled from her head underneath his chin.

“More than anything baby, more than anything.”

Rocking on his heels he leant back and tipped her face up to him. God she was so innocently pure it mesmerised him. Gently he dropped a soft kiss on her moist lips, the light scent of her perfume tickling his nose.

“So nothing more from the past…….right?”

Rachel swallowed back the hard knot of emotion that was still squeezing a succession of tiny but happy tears from her eyes. Taking a deep breath she nodded and smiled.

“Right.”

Grinning Jon held up his right hand in front of her, waggling his little finger enticingly. “Pinkie swear?”

Rolling her eyes good naturedly, Rachel giggled at the absurdity of his childish proposal and raised her own finger to intertwine with his. The innocently blue shade of his irises that were locked in a puppy dog plea made her feel as if a thousand butterflies were fluttering inside her and she sighed happily when she felt his finger curl around hers.

“Pinkie swear.”

It may have been a simple and seemingly infantile gesture but right then a presidential handshake couldn’t have meant more – to either of them.