Chapter Forty Nine

Jon sighed softly as he hit send on his last message to Rachel and then tossed the phone to the sofa beside him. He missed her like crazy and hadn't been lying when he told her he couldn't sleep well without her, she had become a part of his life that he didn't want to change. A glass of wine hovered tantalisingly in front of his face and he lifted a hand to gratefully accept it.

“Thanks bro.”

“So where’s your new neighbour then?”

Richie grinned cheekily as he sank into a chair opposite Jon, his long fingers balancing the delicate stem of the wine glass as the liquid sloshed dangerously from his sudden descent into the deep cushions. He’d gotten into Jersey just over an hour ago and had come straight to Jon’s as was habit, they were due another writing session to pull this album together.

Taking a sip of wine, Jon pouted sullenly. “Rachel? Between her work, my work, my kids and her Goddamn freakin family emergencies we've barely seen each other in a month!”

“Ah” Richie nodded in understanding and waggled his brows cheekily at his friend. “So, who've you been hanging out with then? Andrea or somebody new?” 

Sitting up as an idea formed, he grinned conspiratorially. “Hey I know! Why don’t you give Andi a call, been a while since I've seen her…..you know……have her come out here – with a friend…..or two.”

Cringing, Jon grimaced and shook his head. “NuUH! Rachel and Andi have met and let me tell you, if Andi so much as crossed the bridge I think Rachel would eat her alive.” Chuckling at the memory, Jon cocked his head at Richie. “I swear to you Rich, you've never seen a woman like Rachel. She’s the coolest cucumber I've ever met. She took on Andi AND Elizabeth Williams and never even broke a sweat!”

“Whaddya mean ‘took them on’? Are you talking like ‘naked’ here or what?!”

Jon rolled his eyes at Richie's typically one tracked mind. “No man, the only playground I'm swingin’ on is Rachel’s and I don’t see that changing any time soon. We bumped into both of them in the Hamptons and Rachel held her own – I gotta tell you I was amused as fuck at the whole scene!”

Disappointed as the potentially mind blowing visual images evaporated from his head, Richie leaned back and shrugged. “Hmph, you’ll be playing on another monkey’s bars just as soon as you conquer this one.”

“Nah, that’s where you’re wrong on this one buddy. Aside from the fact that I've given her my word I won’t fool around, I don’t even have the desire to look any further anyway.”

Richie snorted in disbelief and stretched his long limbs in front of him, crossing his boots over at the ankles. He’d known Jon for the whole of his adult life and knew exactly what made him tick. “Mmm hmm, you gave Dorothea your word AND the band of gold and that didn't stop you forever. Trust me man, your new neighbour won’t hold your attention any longer than any of the others have – you may be a romantic old fool at heart but it’s the rest of you that strays!”

Jon smirked and flicked Richie his middle finger. “Nah man, I'm serious. I’d rather cut my balls off than hurt her – you’ll see! She’s not like anybody you've ever met.”

“Then just cut your balls off right now because you WILL hurt her! You always do! I'm not trying to be a prick here Jon but you hurt them all. I've seen plenty of incredible women cross your path and lemme tell you – it isn't how remarkable these women are that has anything to do with it. It’s that you are a driven, selfish asshole that runs them all off. I love ya man, but that’s the way it is!”

Had anyone else spoken to him like that, Jon probably would have knocked their Goddamn head off but Richie had never been afraid to cut the bullshit with him. It still didn't mean his words didn't have an effect though. Suppressing his annoyance, Jon took another drink and glared defiantly over at his friend.

“She knows I'm no angel but I'm working hard to keep the trust she has in me. Look Rich, it’s like I said – you’ll just have to see for yourself. At least gimme the benefit of the doubt this time and reserve judgement!”

Richie stared back at him for a long moment before sighing and nodding his head in tired agreement. Last thing he wanted to do was get in a brawl with Jon and he knew better than to argue with the stubborn sonofabitch. After all, time would tell in the end anyway – it always did.

“Sure man, I hope it’s everything you want it to be – I’ll drink to that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie’s words were still fresh in Jon’s mind the following evening as he stood beside his SUV anxiously scanning the sky for a glimpse of the incoming jet. Any lingering effects of the hangover from the dent Richie and he had made in his wine collection last night had been banished when he’d woken to a message from Rachel saying she was finally taking advantage of his jet and was coming home early. It was the best news he’d heard in a long time and had improved his day no end, resulting in a very successful day in the studio. He was excited about this album, everything on it seemed to be falling into place naturally. A fleck in the distant horizon made his eyes narrow as he strained to make out the pinpoints of the jet’s landing lights and with a smile he pulled out his cell and started to video the landing.  For reasons unknown to him there was something about his girl coming home to him on his plane that made his blood tingle. Leaning against the hood of the car as he watched the plane through the small screen he thought about it for a moment. Ordinarily he was the one ‘coming home’ and he was usually so road weary it mattered very little to him but now being on the ground and waiting with such anticipation....well it was a new experience for him.

Ten minutes later, Jon was still filming as the stairs finally descended and Rachel appeared at the door, smiling as she thanked the crew and then giving him a little wave when she spotted him waiting. Dressed in dark denim jeans, black boots and a tight v-neck tee, her bright smile made Jon’s gut clench in delicious excitement as he finally switched off the phone and began to stride toward the plane. The familiar warm scent of her perfume filled his nostrils when they met at the foot of the steps, her loose hair wafting around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a deep kiss. 

“You look mighty good coming off that plane little girl.”

Laughing as Jon gently lifted her in a swoop to take her off the steps, Rachel leaned back in his arms to cradle his face between her hands. “I couldn't have looked any better than you did standing there waiting for me.” Running her fingers through his hair, she kissed him again letting herself linger in the sweet taste of his lips. “I missed you.”

“I missed YOU baby, man I'm glad you’re home! C’mon let’s get your stuff and I’ll take you to a little hole in the wall and get you drunk enough that you’ll let me have my way with you!”

Winking down at her, Jon glanced across to where the crew were beginning to unload the cargo bay. Several large boxes were already stacked on the tarmac with an interesting array of smaller cases beginning to join them.

“What’s all this stuff?”

A little sheepishly, Rachel shrugged from within the safe confines of his arms. “All sorts really – winter clothes, a few personal things and some goodies from my Mama’s freezer for starters. I figured it’s not every day I get the use of a rock star’s private jet so I brought it with me instead of shipping it!”

Jon chuckled and squeezed her a little tighter, his girl really had come home it seemed.

A little over thirty minutes later and they were sat across from one another in a corner booth of Sal’s Pizzeria, a large pitcher of beer quenching their thirst before dinner arrived. Smiling across at Rachel, Jon took her hands softly in his own, running his calloused fingers over her smooth ones.

“So? Tell me about your trip……how was it?”

Rachel gazed back at him and sighed softly in contentment. All the tension that had built up over her time spent back in California was vanishing now that she was safely back.

“I'm not even sure where to start…..”

“Was it hard? Being back at your old house and all that?”

She thought for a moment before nodding. “A little, especially at first. Ghosts……..they were everywhere. As soon as I walked in the front door I remembered why I wanted a change of scenery in the first place! But in a strange kind of way, my trip made a lot of things fall into place for me.”

“How so?”

“Well you know…… I've had a few challenges really diving into this relationship with you.”

Jon’s eyes widened with surprise and he leaned a little closer across the table. “You have? You never said anything about that….”

Rachel smiled to banish his concerns and moved quickly to explain. She’d thought it all out on the flight home and it finally all made sense, now she just needed to put it into words.

“I know I haven’t but I've sorta had this vague feeling of ….. I don’t know, maybe a sense of guilt hanging over me. I felt like there was something wrong with me for being so happy with you and wondered how a woman who had lost her husband and both of her children could go on and have a second life, outside of throwing herself into work. Kinda like I was supposed to keep swimming in quicksand forever?”

When Jon nodded silently in understanding, she took a deep breath to gather her thoughts before continuing, her fingers still threaded softly in Jon’s. “As soon as I got back to that house I noticed I immediately went on auto-pilot, taking care of business without really feeling anything and that’s how I used to survive. Do you know I never really truly broke down and cried after the accident?”

“You've never said much about it and well, I didn't want to pry……..”

“Honestly Jon, the despair was so dark and deep that it went beyond tears, almost to a calm. I mean there would be moments when I would tear up but looking back I really was afraid to give in to the crying, because I felt I wouldn't be able to come back from it if I ever lost control. Like I would lose my mind completely. Work was the only solution to keep me sane but the one thing that made the whole horrible thing somewhat bearable was knowing they were together. The kids were with their father and they weren't wandering in some unknown world alone. Nick could never have lived through this; he just couldn't have handled it.”

Her eyes glittered with more than a trace of moisture and she drew in a deep breath as Jon gently squeezed her hand.

“Do you need to talk to someone Rach? A professional maybe? I’ll get you the best anywhere in the world, whatever you need – I’ll make sure you get it.”

Lifting a finger to swipe away a tear that threatened to fall from her lashes, Rachel smiled across at him gratefully. “No, I don’t think so but if the time comes I will, I promise. Thank you though…….I think I've turned a corner but I need you know that I’d give up everything – my own life – to bring them back, I’d walk away from you, from us….without a second thought……”

Jon’s voice was soft with sincerity as he gazed across at her. “I can understand that baby; I know I’d be the same if our roles were reversed.” He brought her hand up to his lips to gently kiss the side of it. “You don’t need to feel like you have to minimize the life you had before us, the love you had for your husband and kids. I wouldn't want you to ever feel like that.”

“I know...but since I have no power to change the past I need you to know that I am so glad I didn't miss this……….us.  Because I believe now that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.”

Jon spied the waitress approaching over Rachel’s shoulder bearing a steaming hot pizza and before she reached their booth, he leaned across to brush his lips against Rachel’s and murmur in her ear.

“You are where you’re supposed to be…….. you’re supposed to be with me.”