Chapter 63

The cool, crisp night air was refreshing as Jon made his way to the car.  Tossing his jacket into the passenger’s seat, he wondered why people kept their homes so damn hot when they got older.   

In an effort to distract him from his problems, Richie had invited him for a famous pot roast dinner at his mom’s house.  He didn’t know if Mrs. S’s pot roast was really world famous, but that’s what the guys in his band had called it and, anytime she cooked for them, that was what she fixed.   A pleasant evening with Richie and a home cooked meal courtesy of Mrs. Sambora had been just what Jon needed to distract him from his Rachel problems, and he definitely needed distracting from the fact that they hadn’t spoken in two days.  

As much as he appreciated the gesture and the company,  the cold leather on his back felt good.   He was glad to get out of the oven-like house before he was as well-done as the roast – even if it meant he was headed to his own empty monstrosity of a house. 

Guiding his SUV onto the road, he cracked the windows to let the winter air blow over his face at the same time Robert Palmer’s “Simply Irresistible” came on the radio.   The intro to the song was unmistakable and Jon turned the volume to an ear-splitting level, immediately visualizing the video for the song.  It was a classic.

She’s anything but typical

She’s a craze you’d endorse

She’s a powerful force

You’re obliged to conform, when there’s no other course

She used to look good to me

But now I find her…

Simply Irresistible

The corner of his mouth threatened to creep into a grin when he considered that “powerful force” might be a pretty good way to describe Rachel.  She was like lightning – predictably unpredictable.  A powerful force of nature.   He had found her irresistible almost immediately and had done backflips trying to impress her with his house when his celebrity hadn’t been enough to catch her interest. 

Richie had been right.  Rachel wasn’t one of those women who was a ‘hang-er on’, or someone who wanted to be seen.  Any time the press approached them she quietly moved on ahead of him.  She made no attempt to be in on the photo ops at the many events they’d attended in recent months. 

“Jon Bon Jovi” didn’t mean a thing to her.  “John Bongiovi, Jr.” was the one who interested her.

Her lovin’ is so powerful

It’s simply unavoidable

The trend is irreversible

The woman is invincible…

She’s a natural law and she leaves me in awe

She deserves the applause, I surrender because

She used to look to me, but now I find her….

Simply Irresistible.”

A natural law… Yeah, that was Rachel.  He’d surrendered to her immediately.  He’d gladly ruled out any other women in his life at the first mention of it from her.  At that point they’d actually only spent one night together, but, in his gut, he knew something was different with her.  She had taken up residency in his mind at about the same time she’d possessed his body.

As he drove, Jon recalled the times he’d been needlessly harsh with her.  He had been unreasonably cross when she got stuck in Charleston before the Obama fundraiser and refused to use his plane.  He realized only now that her refusal to fly privately was because she had no desire to use and abuse his financial resources.   If she’d been the type of woman to hint, or even outright ask, for favors like that she’d have been long gone. 

She appreciated the things he had in terms of recognizing their value, but she wasn’t interested in using him and that was now painfully obvious to him.   What he did for a living wasn’t of importance.  Hell, she barely acknowledged the celebrity aspect of his life. 

She loves you, asshole.

She’d put her own family on the back burner to accommodate him.  It was his responsibility to be in New Jersey with his kids for the holidays, but she had changed all of her plans to make sure they could be together for the holidays, too.  He’d only repaid that consideration with what probably appeared, to her, to be ambivalence. 

You’re such a dick!

Shaking his head with disgust, Jon rolled his forefinger over the volume knob to crank it up one more notch.  The beat of the music was like Rachel.  Strong, distinct, powerful, ballsy – even a little rowdy.  You couldn’t ignore either of them – the song OR Rachel.

When the guitars stopped mid-song and the singer’s voice was accompanied only by drums, Jon couldn’t help but chuckle at the lyrics that followed. 

She’s unavoidable, I’m backed against the wall

She gives me feelings that I’ve never felt before

I’m breakin’ promises, she’s breakin’ every law

She used to look good to me,  now I find her…

Simply Irresistible

Feeling lighter than he had in two days, his grin widened into an eye-wrinkling smile as he sang along.  “She’s so fine…  there’s no tellin’ where the money went-ah.  She’s all mine… there’s no other way to go.”

His foot gave just a little more pressure to the accelerator as he became determined that not working things out with Rachel just wasn’t an option.   He couldn’t risk losing her because of his own stubborn refusal to make the first move.   He absently tapped the steering wheel in rhythm to the beat of the classic song and Jon sang along, knowing his girl was only minutes away and this night wouldn’t end before he made things right with her.

She’s a craze you’d endorse, she’s a powerful force,

You’re obliged to conform when there’s no other course

Well, she used to look good to me, but now I find her….Simply Irresistible.”

                                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her wrapping was finished, the mess was cleaned up and the packages had been arranged neatly under the tree.  After her ritualistic soaking in the bathtub, Rachel dried off and let her hand hover over the selection of body lotions on her vanity.  A silent moment of deliberation had her choosing  one of the body lotions that Jon left for her in the SoHo apartment on the night she first stayed there. 

Rubbing in the creamy concoction, she recalled how he had wanted everything perfect for her that night.  From the silk La Perla robe to the endless array of bath products beautifully wrapped and displayed on the bed, everything had been perfect.

It was one more nail in her self-imposed coffin, and she was ashamed of the careless way she’d treated him.  A weary sigh filled the silence of the big bathroom as she slipped the champagne-colored robe over her arms and cinched the belt into a bow.   For about half a second, she toyed with the idea of heading over to his house, but, considering he wouldn’t even take her call earlier, he surely wouldn’t welcome her just showing up at his door.

She missed him…  Longed for him if she was going to be totally honest about it.  It wasn’t as if they were separated by vast miles and that was the reason for them being apart.  She could deal if that were the case.   But this? 

I don’t know where to begin to fix this mess. 

Rachel’s desperate thoughts were interrupted by the elaborate chiming of the doorbells. 

Who the hell is ringing my doorbell at this hour of the night?

Could it be?  After this long, miserable evening, could it actually be…?

At that hour, she reasoned, it couldn’t be anybody but him. 

Halfway down the stairs, she saw him. They locked eyes through the expansive glass columns that made up the front doors of the property she’d come to think of as home.   Once opened, she stepped back and allowed him to cross the threshold into the foyer.

“Hey…” he greeted her softly.

Rachel’s brain either went into overdrive or completely short-circuited, because she was unable to speak one word.  She could feel her eyes get wet and her throat go dry, and then Jon’s hands glided down her hips to hug the curve of her bottom as his lips just barely touched hers.   The whispered touch of his hands and lips was more intense and arousing than if he’d snatched her into a fervently passionate embrace. 

She couldn’t recall ever being more turned on in her life than she was at that very moment.

She wasn’t sure if it was the cold night air from the open door or pure desire that caused a shiver so intense that she actually shook from it.  Jon never broke eye contact when he kicked the door shut with his heel and leaned into her for another soft kiss.

Her hands instinctively rose from her sides to his chest and slid all the way up until his neck was tucked into the crooks of her elbows so she could pull him close.   She clung to him as if she were holding on for dear life and felt her tears run between their cheeks. 

One hand made its way to cradle her neck as he twisted his face towards hers for a soul-searing kiss.  His tongue felt cool at first, warming as it darted in, out and around her mouth.  But that was nothing compared to the feel of his icy hands on her just-bathed skin when he untied her robe and slipped his hand over her breast.  

The sensation caused her to gasp and then tug at the bottom of his sweater, desperately jerking it up and over his head. 

Skin.  His on hers.  It felt like a lifetime since they’d touched like this.

The stairs were inattentively navigated as they kissed, sucked, nipped and licked anything they that got close enough to their mouths.  By the time they reached the top, Jon’s thumb was playing havoc with her clit, causing her to shamelessly claw at his belt and make her embarrassingly wet.

Rachel knew they’d made it to the bedroom when she felt the mattress at the spot where her thighs met her buttocks and slid her hands down the back of Jon’s jeans pushing them into a heap on the floor. 

She didn’t know where his boots were, but his bare feet were beside hers just before he grasped the back of her thigh and lifted her leg up to wrap around him.  He slid inside her and positioned them both onto the bed in one effortless movement. 

Neither of them uttered a word.  Instead, their bodies said everything they’d been too proud to say: “I love you.”  “I’m sorry.”  “I didn’t mean it.”

They were still rocking, stroking and kissing in the aftermath when Jon stilled.  His elbows at the side of her head, fingers stroking her face, he was the first to break the silence.   “I don’t wanna lose you, Rach.”

Tracing the indentation at the small of his back, Rachel thought this must be the most intimate, vulnerable moment they’d ever shared and felt the tears welling again.  “I’ve taken you for granted.  I didn’t realize it until today.”  Her voice caught in her throat as he wiped the teardrops away with his thumbs.  “I’m so sorry… so sorry.”

“Why would you say something like that?  You haven’t taken me for granted at all.”

“I have.   I should know better than to assume there’s a tomorrow.  I didn’t even notice all the little things that make you so special.  I’ve virtually ignored your professional life and I know I haven’t made you happy lately.”

Jon moved to lie at her side, resting his hand on her abdomen, their bodies still touching.  “Of course you’ve made me happy.  Very happy.  Where would you get a different idea?”

“I… came across a concert video of yours on You Tube while listening to Christmas music.  You were enjoying yourself so much, and you don’t look like that when you’re with me.  I realized, among other things, that I’ve been so selfish and I haven’t paid ANY attention to your work…” Her voice broke again and she took a deep breath, struggling to regain her composure enough to finish explaining herself.   “I haven’t even cared enough to buy your last record.  I’ve been such a selfish bitch.”

Her tears dried in the space of one snorted bark of laughter from Jon.  “Honey, you have not been a selfish bitch.  If you knew the lyrics to every one of my songs I’d be a little creeped out.  That’s  a fan.  And don’t read so much into what our show projects.  Yeah, I love performing but that kind of energy can’t be sustained.  Nobody can be that ‘on’ all the time.  It’s a couple hours and I love it, but it has no relevancy to us or what makes me happy off the stage.”  He gently tapped a finger against the tip of her nose as he continued.  “It’s a SHOW…I’m supposed to be over the top happy and excited.”

Her response was so quiet Jon leaned closer to hear her.  “It was impressive, seeing the way the crowd responded to you.  This huge room of people – all under your spell.  If you told them to stand, they stood.    And the sound – the band – was amazing.  It’s obvious you're more than a pretty face with a good voice.  It’s been a lot of hard work and I’m sorry I never acknowledged it.”

“Rach, I don’t need your praise for what I do on the stage.  I need exactly what I have in you… somebody that tells me the truth.  Or, as Richie so eloquently put it, ‘somebody who tells me when I’m being a dick’.  Off the stage, I need ‘real’.  That’s what we have.”

Turning onto her side to face him, Rachel’s leg found its way between his, seeking to close any tiny gap between their two bodies. 

“Lately, it seems like all we do is fight and we fight dirty with each other, Jon.” 

“I agree.  We do fight dirty, and that’s something we’re gonna have to work on.”  His head propped up on one hand, Jon’s free hand slipped across her hip and rested in the small of her back.  “I’m sorry for the things I said.  I know you said apologizing doesn’t take it back, and you’re right, but I do regret the things I said and the way I said them.”

“So am I, but I want you to promise me that we’ll never be those two people who loved each other and then turn into vicious animals when it's over.  That would break my heart.”   Rachel’s eyes begged his indulgence as she struggled to get the words out.  “If… we can’t work things out, I want us to walk away with love and respect.  It would… kill me for us to keep hurting each other until there’s nothing left of the ‘us’ that is so beautiful.”

“Rachel, do you know what I realized tonight?  For me, not being together isn’t an option.  But I wanna know you’re in the same place.  Are you?” 

Their relationship was at that crucial fork in the road where attraction, chemistry and even love weren’t enough.   They had some very basic differences in their points of view and Rachel knew it was time to lay all their cards on the table.