Chapter Thirty Seven

“Oh wow!”

Hovering in the doorway of the garage, Rachel squealed in delight at the sleek body of the hot rod classic Jon had just dramatically pulled a dust sheet from. The polished chrome of the bumper and wing mirrors glinted in the evening light and the metallic white paint of the twin stripes on the hood gleamed as if it had just rolled out of a showroom.

“Something else isn’t she?!” Jon grinned proudly as he watched Rachel step towards his pride and joy, a look of sheer awe lighting up her eyes. “She’s just back from her summer service so I got the guys to drop her here.”

His lips twitched into a playful smirk as he pulled open the passenger door and gestured to the car’s interior. 

“Wanna take a ride with me?”

Giggling Rachel nodded enthusiastically and lowered herself into the comfortable leather seat. It had been years since she’d even thought about one of these cars, Nick had often dreamed of restoring one  and them taking a road trip together but like a lot of things it had gotten pushed to the side over the years.

With the top down to make the most of the fine weather, they cruised leisurely around the roads of the local suburbs before heading into town for a browse around the shops and some of the small galleries before dinner at one of the many fine restaurants that the Hamptons was so famed for. Over dinner the conversation fell into an easy, relaxed discussion about their respective childhoods and teenage years, each of them learning small titbits about the lives that had made them who they were today. Rachel listened enthralled as Jon gave her the abbreviated version of life as an 80’s rock star, about the places they had played in and the experiences of life on the road. While she had thought her own coming of age years had been plenty wild, they were mild in comparison to what Jon had lived through.

“Do you miss it? You know….. the parties, the girls…. the frizzy hair?” She laughed at Jon’s grimace as they sank back in their seats, full up from sharing the generous portion of cheesecake Rachel hadn’t been able to resist from ordering.

“I sure don’t miss the craziness of it, that’s for sure! We’ve learned how to be a little more dignified with our tours these days but yeah, there are days when I wish I could step back in time, maybe catch up on stuff that in the hastiness of youth passed me by.”

Shrugging Jon drained the last of the coffee from his cup and smiled wistfully. “That’s my only regret from back then I guess, I was too caught up in the whole ‘fame’ machine to actually really enjoy myself.”

Rachel smiled at him, her eyes soft with agreement. “It’s true what they say huh? Hindsight is a great thing. I doubt there’s a person in the world tonight that wouldn’t go back and do something differently with their lives if they were given the chance.”

Jon nodded slowly. “I guess so……….” He wondered briefly what she was thinking, what regrets she held from her past life. While she was slowly opening up more to him every day he knew she was still holding back, reluctant to let him in completely. That was something he intended to work on.

“C’mon, I got something to show you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With the radio tuned to a classic rock station, Rachel sighed happily as the wind from the car’s acceleration whipped her hair around her head, the roads quiet as the sun began to dip towards the horizon. She couldn’t stop the smile that seemed to have been permanently etched on her face all evening, life was just so damn good right now that she hardly dared to think about it.

Jon eased off on the gas just a little as they turned off the main road onto a smaller one that traced its way along the coastline. The ocean to Rachel’s right shimmered in the evening light, the calm waters breaking softly in a frothy line on the beach below. Her smile broadened when they rolled into a deserted view point, just high enough off the beach that they had an undisturbed view of the sun casting its final rays across the darkening sky. Vibrant pinks and oranges streaked across the horizon painting a picture so pretty it could have been hanging in one of the galleries they had visited earlier.

Killing the engine but leaving the soft croon of the radio on, Jon jumped out of the driver’s seat and offered Rachel a helping hand out of the low convertible. Fingers interlaced, he led her to the grassy edge of the nearest sand dune and pulled her gently down to sit beside him. With his arm around her, he gazed out across the waves and breathed in a satisfying gulp of ocean air.

“This place just never gets old. You must have spent a good bit of time like this living by the beach in California huh?”

Rachel shook her head and nestled closer to his warm body. “Not really, the water was nearly always freezing. We went to Santa Cruz a few times but most of our beach days were spent in Hawaii.” She glanced up gratefully at him before admitting; “Up until this weekend it’s been over two years since I’ve been on any kind of beach so thank you.”

Chuckling Jon squeezed her tight and brushed her forehead with a kiss. “You’re welcome. So you’re a Hawaii kinda girl then?”

“Mmmhmm…….we used to head there during the holidays. We always spent Christmas with my family but then we usually escaped somewhere warm for New Years. Hawaii was the last vacation we took together…….. Actually the last vacation I was on now that I think about it.”

Jon watched her face carefully as she spoke, mindful of the fact that he was quite possibly stirring up painful memories. He could tell she was becoming more comfortable with him every day but then again their conversations thus far had only skimmed the surface of what he guessed for Rachel was a very deep whirlpool of emotions.

“Hawaii is a great place for kids, mine always loved it there.”

“Mine too.” Rachel laughed quietly as she thought back to the fun times she’d enjoyed there with her family. “They loved the activity of Waikiki but weren’t too keen on the quieter islands. Nick and I always wanted to go to Kauai but the kids weren’t having any of it. So we generally always ended up on Oahu even if we started the trip on another island. I thought a cruise to all of the islands would be fun but I was always outvoted ….” She rolled her eyes and giggled. “…..Nick and Tyler were convinced that the only place they could surf was the North Shore.”

“You must have spent a lot of time over there kinda like we do……did…….in St. Barth’s.” He corrected himself without thinking, sometimes there were days when he forgot his family was now split down the middle.

“Yeah we went every chance we could get.” Her heart twisted into a small, tight knot as she allowed herself the briefest indulgence in memories long since buried. Some of the happiest parts of her whole life had been spent on those idyllic islands. The tiniest of tears began to burn at the back of her eyes as she recalled the vivid images that were starting to flash through her brain.

“There used to be this little hot dog vendor at the beach on Waikiki that we would walk down to….God I can still smell the chilli……” With her eyes closed, she scrunched up her nose to the sea air and inhaled an imaginary whiff. “……..those were the best hot dogs I’ve ever eaten in my life!”

Silent for a moment, Jon watched her drift away in memories, his own mind brimming with regret at the family vacations that he so often missed out on. Sure, he still got to take the kids away but the magic was gone, without Dorothea beside him – well it just wasn’t the same.

“I’ve been there but never really spent much time at Waikiki, it was always too crowded which is never a good idea. We’ve done a couple shows on Oahu in the past but not on vacation as such.”

Twisting to look up at him, Rachel frowned slightly as she tried desperately to chase away the ghosts that haunted her thoughts. Now wasn’t the time to go there, in fact she wasn’t entirely comfortable with going there ever. “That’s a pity, I guess I never really appreciated before what a luxury anonymity must be for you. There’s an awesome restaurant there right on the water’s edge – you’d love it – really private and secluded.” She nudged him gently with her elbow and grinned. “Even your handsome looks wouldn't stand out against the scenery over there – it’s breathtakingly beautiful!”

Relieved that she seemed to be back in the present, Jon chuckled and faked a wounded look. “Well that’s just great! You’re comparing me to scenery now?”

Grinning she shrugged, “Hey I’m not exactly talking about a barren desert here, take the compliment buddy!” Eyes twinkling, she offered him a challenge. “Come hike up Diamond Head with me someday and you’ll see exactly how big a compliment that was!”

Amused Jon let his fingers of his right hand trail through the soft waves of hair that bounced from behind her ears. “Well I just might take you up on that someday!”

Satisfied she tipped her head into his gently massaging fingers, “Anytime! And while we’re up there I can show you some seriously high end real estate – I get goose bumps even thinking about some of those Diamond Head properties – did you know they’re some of the most expensive per square foot in the world?”

Glancing up to see him shaking his head, Rachel rolled her eyes. “You’re spending way too much time in the Four Seasons Mr Rockstar! There’s a section called Lanikai that has some of the most exquisite beach-front properties that you will ever see – now that’s how to spend a vacation in Hawaii. One of these days I’m gonna rent a place over there for a month or so and just experience what living there would be like – it’s on my bucket list!”

“You’ve got a bucket list?” Jon raised his brows enquiringly. “What else is on that list?”

Giggling she tapped one finger to the side of her nose. “That’s for me to know! Don’t you have one?”

Jon tilted his head to one side and stilled his fingers in her hair as he thought for a moment, he couldn’t honestly think of anything that he would put on a ‘bucket list’ as such. Hell generally if he wanted something bad enough, he just went out and got it or made it happen one way or another.

“Nope, I guess I don’t! Although……” He paused mid-sentence, unsure whether he should tell her the one thing he did wish he had more of – something Rachel didn’t have the option of.

“Although what? Tell me – there has to be something!”

He avoided her earnest stare and instead looked straight out across the darkening ocean resuming his gentle kneading in her hair. “Nothing……I just wish I could spend more time with my kids that’s all – it’s………it’s not easy at times.”

His words lingered over the dunes that surrounded them, Rachel’s voice quiet when she sighed softly.

“I can understand that, kids are ……well they grow up fast don’t they?” After a moment’s pause she seemed to mentally shake herself out of the dangerous territory Jon was unwittingly leading her into.

“So! Where’s your perfect vacation destination?”

“Rach……” Jon sighed, frustration mounting. “Are you aware that when I try to talk to you about your kids you always change the subject or at least try to re-direct it?” He looked concernedly at her as he felt her tense beneath his fingers. “I’m not trying to dredge up sad memories for you but honey it’s a part of you that I know nothing about.”

“I could say the same about you! That’s a part of you I don’t know anything about either!” She bit her lip before she snapped any further and took a long breath in. She didn’t blame him for being curious but what was the point in dredging up the past?

“I’m sorry…….you’re right – but the truth is I’ve talked more about my family with you than I have anyone. And before you say it I’m not in denial or anything it’s just that everybody has a different way of coping and I’ve found that the less people know about my situation, well then the easier it is on me. It might sound selfish but other than the man who hired me for this job, nobody here knows my story and that’s by design.”

“But I do know your story…….” Jon gently reminded her as he reached across the wind the finger of his left hand with hers. “It’s okay to talk to me about it.”

Smiling up at him, Rachel nodded. “I know and I’m trying, I really am.”

Jon hesitated for a moment, it was now or never. Who knew when they’d get back to a conversation like this again?

“Have you ever considered having more kids? I mean I know you can’t begin to replace the family you lost but………..”

Rachel’s small fingers stilled in his own for a heartbeat until she shook her head and relaxed back against him once more.

“No, that was a lifetime ago and there are some dreams you just can’t put back together even if I wanted to. That was a different time and a different life, actually it was a different ‘me’. If you had told me a couple of months ago that I would look twice at another man I wouldn’t have believed it – but here I am with you….” Gripping his hand a little firmer, she reached up and kissed him softly on the underside of his lightly grizzled chin. “…..in the Hamptons…….with all your lady friends wanting to scratch my eyes out!”

Chortling Jon closed his eyes as he felt her lips delicately tickle his sensitive skin. “Oh yeah – you looked mighty intimidated as you cut them off at the knees!”

Continuing to pepper him with small kisses, Rachel laughed softly. “I did no such thing, I merely let them know as long as I was around – they wouldn’t be!”

When the sun finally dipped beneath the horizon and the night sky began to lay claim to the fading light, they reluctantly headed back to the car for the drive home. The roads were quiet as Jon let the car cruise smoothly back into the suburbs, Rachel content to watch the scenery glide past.

Nearing home, Jon’s cell rang out prompting Rachel to reach out to turn the radio down.

“Colette – tell me you have some good news………..”

Hearing the designer’s name and seeing a grin spread out across Jon’s lips, Rachel watched with curiosity as Jon listened intently.

“Yeah, she thought the Hamptons room was beautiful…….Great! So it’s ready? Excellent – I knew you’d pull it off……….. listen I’d like to do something similar in the penthouse……..yeah exactly…….sometime in the next couple of weeks will be fine…………sure thing – thanks again Colette, I appreciate the fast work…..”

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him when he shut the cell off and glanced over at her triumphantly.

“We got new sheets in Jersey baby!” Smirking as he turned his attention back to the road ahead he casually added, “I’m getting the penthouse done too so no more ghosts – anywhere!”

Rolling her eyes, Rachel looked at him in disbelief. “Jesus Jon! You took me a bit literally when I said you had ghosts too……..I never intended for you to redecorate three bedrooms for crying out loud!”

Laughing at her as he swung the car up to the gates of the beach house, Jon shrugged and reached across to grasp her hand.

“I know you didn’t but I wanted to. You were right and I just wanted you to know that I didn’t expect changes to be made only on your side. There’s gonna be times when it won’t be as easy for me to meet you in the middle so let me do this for us, okay?”

Puzzled, Rachel looked at him. “What does that mean?”

The car gently bumped over the gate grill and up the driveway before Jon parked it casually in front of the porch. Killing the engine, he pulled off his aviators and twisted in his seat to face her.

“My schedule is pretty easy right now but it’s not always like this. Pretty soon the writing for the next album is gonna get wrapped and then the recording, mixing and everything else starts. And once all that’s done well…….well then we’re looking at a pretty long ass tour where I’m not gonna be home for weeks on end. I need you to be okay with that.”

Rachel considered what he had just said, her brain whirling. “How long before you have to start travelling again?”

“We’re probably still a year from the next release so I’ll be home for the next seven or eight months or so but after that then it’s just one press engagement after the other before the tour kicks off.”

He anxiously scanned her face for signs of her reaction, surprised at how fast his own heart was beating. This was stuff that he had taken for granted with Dorothea, she’d grown up with it and hadn’t batted an eyelid but then again it had probably cost him his marriage in the long run. Rachel’s quiet answer was not what he expected.

“So we’re already thinking a year ahead? Wow………..I guess I hadn’t given any thought to that, I mean we’ve just kind of been living in the moment and enjoying it……but…..well I do know I’d miss you…..”

Jon let out the breath he had been subconsciously holding and grinned. “So you still see me in your life in a year then?” Leaning in close to hover his lips just in front of her, he smirked. “Good because honey……trust me…….you will miss me.”

Rachel snorted under her breath at his confidence. “Yeah I’ll miss you but I’m guessing the one who’s gonna be most lonesome will be you!”

“Nuhuh! You see I’ll have all those hot women in the pit to keep me entertained, I might not be able to touch but I can still look and let me tell you…….” Eyes laughing, Jon flirted with her lips. “…..they put on quite a show baby.”

“My point exactly!” Flicking her hair back casually, Rachel smirked at him. “They’ll get you all hot and bothered but seeing as you’re stuck in this monogamous thing with me…..” Leaning forward until their noses bumped, she gently nibbled on his top lip before easing her way out of the passenger seat and grinning down at him.

“…you’re gonna be desperate to get me to come out to you in the furthest, darkest corners of this planet!”

With a wink of her wicked sparkling eyes, she folded her arms and looked on in satisfaction as Jon sat back in the driver’s seat, a bemused grin playing across his lips. From their earlier conversation full of pained memories and thoughts to this easy and relaxed play, he could barely keep up but he knew he couldn't imagine a point in his life where she didn't figure in it. Slipping his aviators back onto his nose, he pulled the keys from the ignition and smirked up to where she stood waiting.

"Baby, make no mistake – if you couldn’t get to me, I'd fly anywhere to get to you......."